Sustaining
by MissGiaDarcy
Summary: "Will was his best friend and lover…his everything. To think that Tessa was slowly tearing him away made him feel numb inside." Will/Jem


**So I just started re-reading Clockwork Angel, and I feel so, so bad for Jem! His story is just so sad. In a way, I'm hoping he and Tessa get together, even though I know that's probably not going to happen. I don't know about you guys, but I'm just not a huge fan of Will/Tess. I think it's just Clary/Jace all over again. **

**And did you guys see the cover for Clockwork Prince? It's gorgeous! **

**But anyways, this is going to be somewhat angsty, because I'm feeling quite angsty at the moment. Ah, life. **

**Hope you all enjoy! **

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><p><em><strong>Sustaining <strong>_

The only time Will Herondale felt completely helpless was when Jem was lying in bed, weakened after one of his fits. Seeing his parabatai in such a state sent a cold chill through his veins. He knew that Jem was getting weaker and weaker as time wore on…and knowing there was nothing he could do was killing him on the inside.

Will was a constant presence at Jem's side whenever he was ill. It surprised everyone how caring Will was toward Jem. They were all too familiar with Will's brash, rebellious attitude and it was strange for him to act any different.

Jem was sleeping now, his chest rising and falling with his short inhalations. Will kept a trained eye on him, gazing over Jem's features almost like it was second nature. Though he really didn't need to look; Will could close his eyes and recall every feature on Jem's body from memory. They had been lovers for almost two years, though it felt like so much longer. They knew each other's body down to the most intimate detail. Their bond was so strong that they felt like that had known each other their entire lives. They both knew it was wrong, and if the Enclave were to find out, their Marks would be stripped.

Will could still remember their first kiss as clear as day. They were both so young and inexperienced, but it was the most perfect kiss. Will closed his eyes, recalling the night of said kiss. They were in the attic and the rain had been falling heavily above them. He could almost feel Jem's trembling hands cup his face, and he could still see his eyelids fluttering shut over his silver eyes. They had lost themselves that night, only to be found within each other again.

"You should be asleep," said Jem's weakened voice.

Shaken out of his reverie by Jem's voice, Will quickly stood up from the chair he had been sitting in on the other side of the room. Gently, he sat down next to Jem on the bed, taking his parabatai's hand in his. "Go back to sleep, Jem. You need to rest."

"I'll be fine, I promise. It's you I'm worried about. You've been with me all day and you haven't slept at all."

Will ran his thumb of Jem's hand, "I've gone without sleep plenty of times. You know that."

Jem laughed, "When you're out gambling perhaps."

Jem had only been pretending to sleep for the past few minutes or so. He had briefly stirred from his sleep multiple times during the day. Each time he opened his eyes he had found Will patiently waiting in the same chair, keeping a careful watch over him. Jem couldn't help but smile at Will's devotion. If only that devotion was enough to sustain him.

He didn't remember exactly when he fell in love with William, but the feelings between them were so strong that he thought nothing could come between them. That was…until Tessa Gray stepped into the picture. From the moment Jem and Will had met Tessa, Jem immediately saw his parabatai's attraction to her. He knew Will was drawn to her, and his own heart ached at the thought.

Jem could feel the strain between them. It was as tangible as the sheets covering his body and he felt it in the very air he breathed. He couldn't help but wonder if Will would cast him aside, and that he would be cursed to die alone. Will was his best friend and lover…his _everything_. To think that Tessa was slowly tearing him away made him feel numb inside. He felt hot tears pressing against the back of his eyes, but he kept them at bay. He didn't want Will to see him in anymore pain.

"What's the matter?" Will asked, noticing his lover's change in demeanor.

"Nothing," Jem replied. Slowly he maneuvered so he was on the other side of the bed. "Come lay beside me."

Will did as he was told and slid under the covers beside Jem's body. He wrapped his arms around Jem, noting how much smaller he felt against him. The poison Jem was addicted to was eating away at his already frail body. Will held onto Jem tightly, trying to warm him. Then he ran his hand through Jem's soft, silver hair then down to his cheek. That's when he noticed the silver eyes he was so fond of filling with tears.

"Jem," Will said softly, wiping one of the tears away with his thumb.

"Do you love me?" Jem asked as he looked up into Will's shockingly blue eyes.

"Why would you even ask? You know I do."

"Then tell me."

Will cupped Jem's face in his hands, looking directly at him, "I love you, Jem. You're the only one I'll ever love."

Their lips met in a slow kiss, but it quickly turned into a kiss of passion. Jem's whole body burned at the sensation of feelings Will's lips against his own. Will kissed him like a man who had just found his long lost love after years of being apart. It was like this each time they kissed, Will gave Jem everything he had. The air around them was becoming heated, and Jem ached for Will with such an intense need.

Jem's lips were still pressed against Will's when he said, "I want to feel you."

"We shouldn't…you're still not well," Will replied as he pulled away.

"_Please_, Will," Jem pleaded, his silvery eyes full of need.

Will couldn't deny Jem anything, especially when his eyes held such a needy glare. With practiced hands he began removing Jem's clothing, drinking in the pale skin that was revealed to him. Will looked down at Jem, whose face with flushed and his lips swollen from kissing. The blush that spread across his face looked even more concentrated against Jem's pallid skin. Jem was incredibly beautiful that it took Will's breath away.

Slowly Will moved his lips away from Jem's, kissing his neck with his hot, wet lips, searing a path from behind his ear. He moved over to Jem's throat, forcing the other boy's head back, giving Will better access as he nipped and licked from the hollow of his throat to under his chin. Jem moaned deeply, running his hands over Will's still clothed back. Jem's moans and whimpers were the sweetest, most erotic sounds Will had ever heard in his life. He wanted to explore every inch of Jem's body, releasing more moans from the boy he loved.

Jem arched his spine, grinding their hips together as he did so. Will moaned, grinding right back against Jem. Will quickly sat up and worked at removing his shirt, while Jem toiled with his belt. Will quickly reached for the drawer in the bedside table, grabbing the small vial of oil that was kept their at all times. Jem gripped the sheets as Will hit that spot inside stroke after stroke. His entire body tingled, feeling as though there were lightning bolts streaming through him.

Will was in awe by the sight before him. Jem's lithe body was glistening with sweat and he was biting his lower lip in way that Will found extremely erotic. Their eyes met in a sensual gaze as Will continued to push his fingers in and out of Jem's body. Soon Will was thrusting three fingers into him, stretching him to make sure he was ready.

It was like stars bursting behind Jem's eyes a moment later, when Will entered him in one swift, firm thrust. They both gasped into each other's mouths, and then most nonsensical sounds were muttered between their tongues. Jem wrapped both his legs around Will's waist as the dark haired boy began a series of very piercing thrusts, tapping that special spot inside him again.

"Harder, Will," Jem gasped. "Please!"

"Anything you want, Jem," Will replied, grabbing Jem's left leg and hooking it over his shoulder.

Jem felt a surge of warmth run throughout his entire body. All of his muscles tensed, his heart beat wildly in chest, and he gripped Will's back tightly. Will thrust into him almost brutally, grunting into Jem's neck as he thrust faster and faster. Jem cried out, the feeling of being so genuinely, thoroughly filled bringing tears to the corner of his eyes again. There was nothing so out of this world than this. He would not have been surprised if his heart burst from his aching chest, throbbing and still full of life. Will bent forward, kissing the salty tears away.

Will pistoned harder, traveled deeper, every muscle on fire as he pushed into Jem. Jem pulled Will in for a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss, tongue sliding across the boy's upper lip. Suddenly, Jem was seeing red, orange, yellow, white ... before he could even begin to fathom it, hips whipping hard, he stiffened, his entire body arching to meet Will's.

"_Yes_, Will!" Jem cried as he released, digging his fingernails into Will's back.

Will felt himself nearing the edge as well, "_Jem_!"

Will jerked once, twice, against Jem, mouth open in a silent scream, before he released, some of the white substance escaping from inside Jem and dribbling onto the blanket below them. Jem moaned softly at the thick warmth, loving the feel of it inside him. Will, using the last of his energy, lifted himself so he fell beside Jem, who was equally exhausted.

Will and Jem lay sprawled beside each other, spending the next ten minutes trying to remember how to inhale and exhale. After awhile Will rolled onto his side so he could tug his parabatai against his body. Comforting, ever-gentle hands tickled Jem's lower back after a time of comfortable silence. Their legs threaded together, fitting together like puzzle pieces.

"I love you," Jem said tiredly, his eyes suddenly feeling heavy.

Will smiled back, lacing their finger together, "I love you too, Jem."

The time ticked by slowly, and Jem watched as Will fell into a deep slumber. Ever so gently, Jem reached out and ran his fingers through Will's matted hair. His prior feelings of warmth were replaced by a sudden, deep melancholy. His thoughts traveled to Tessa once more, wondering if Will had been thinking of _her_ while they made love. He tried to push the nagging thought from his mind, but it wouldn't retreat.

The tears came again as Jem wondered just how much longer his time with Will would last.

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><p><strong>There you go! Sorry it was sort of sad at the end, but like I said, I'm feeling angsty. The kind of angsty where I want to sit around and listen to angry girl music all day. <strong>

**Random note, I bought the first Hunger Games book today. Have any of you read it? If so, what did you think (don't spoil it for me)! **

**Please review! **


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